I Should Have Known Better...

I have some painful experience of the 'spanish speaking' menu, so I am pretty stringent in the questioning of waiters as a rule. So when I saw 'Lomo al Macho', described as beef in a hot spicy sauce, it did not occur to me to ask, 'so that hot spicy sauce, will the sauce be not at all spicy nor hot, but in fact be composed entirely of seafood?'. So my lunch arrived and it was allergy hell on a plate. It was only prawns and squid, to which I have my least allergic reactions. Had it beens clams and mussles I would have had to wear protective clothing just to have it sit on my table. I had SOOOOO many dishes to choose from...I couldn't face explaining that I had ordered probably the only meat dish on the menu that I actually couldn't eat.

So I had a jug of hot water barely used from the coffee, and washed the steak. But I could just taste that 'prawn tail'. I picked a bit of rice and a few chips {that's fries to my stateside chums and family} that hadn't been within a foot of the offending sauce. But it had to go back virtually untouched. The waiter looked surprised and somewhat hurt...it's a pricey 4 whole English pounds...top of the menu, and Peruvians fervently desire that you love them, their food and all things Peruvian basically. So I sat a while, drank a coffee, played with a peruvian toddler and then ordered an enormous cake. The waiter looked so relieved. You could almost see him thinking, 'those senoras...they love their puds'. I had slight cramps for a few hours, but, lesson learnt. Even when ordering postres...check... 'SO that spotted dick? Does it come with a cockle and muscle coulis?'

Here's a little glimpse of the 'South American' menu - check out the spelling and completely random cases! The case confused king of the menu was - Tomatoe Based seaFood Soup.

Criolle patatoe Stew - looks innocuous, but is goats' innerds, tripe and feet
Lover with Mamiocs - had to read it in the original spanish to work out what it was - liver and yuca
Inner chicken parts stew
Criolle pork toes
Hunting chicken
chicken Milky stew
Duck stem stew
Eggs are Huevos in spanish - so in translation obviously it becomes Hommllette
An interesting breakfast option - deep fried pork with coffee
Enghlighs cake
Jerm And butter
Coffee in water
Cammonmmille tea - keep putting those m's in, there's a lot for sure, one of them's bound to be right...perhaps it's the spanish equivalent of millennium - NO-ONE in England seems to be able to spell it!
Sparragus - presumably you can order a sparragus or many sparraguses?
In the fish section - first entry - Duck Stew
Hip steak and Hop steak - given as the translation of the same spanish word - thinking HIP HOP steak is begging to go on the menu
Muchroom sauce - presumably very filling
Seafood orGy Stew - don't go there...